Find your happiness and answer to all your questions

I am feeling much better now. I just came back from meeting with my counselor and she made me realised that all the worries and problems are actually things that I can easily conquer at a time.

The reason I got a panicked attack the last few days is due to the disappointment, fear and self vulnerability. From all the past problems it got compiled and been kept to myself that made it burst at one time unexpectedly.

I am looking forward to see the difference in 2months time. Why is it 2months? Because i dont want to do things half way. I need to finish up all my current projects that I’m handling and I need to settle things step at a time.

So to those who are in a situation where ur mind suddenly bring up a million of questions about ur life, ur future, and purpose of living and etc. I would advice you to write it down on a paper and vomit all out the thoughts, the problems, the sadness, the worries, the disappointment, the fear and etc in order for you recognise the issues.

The advice that she gave me is

Get back into the driver seat and take charge of your life!

Trust me it helps alot! Do give it a try!

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The moment I feel useless

Yesterday was my first breakdown and somehow it got carried away till today. I started to think that I lost my purpose in life. I started to feel like I’m exhausted with my life.

Eventhough I got counsel by few of my friends but yet my mindset doesn’t change. I don’t usually acted this way or have this kind of thought. It’s just tiring and exhausting.

I do realise it is just an unnecessary thought and worries but I can’t seem to be ok. What actually happen to me? Why do I feel this way? What should I do!? What actually that I need? Where is the old me that take life seriously and find every solution to my problems.

Tbh, I feel like suicidal but that will just make things worse. I tried to pray to the lord but my mind like running crazily. I can’t really find what the cause.

I wrote it here and let others read it because I need help. I need a solution. I need to be myself again. I swear this is tiring.

Trip to Kuala Lumpur

It’s been a while I never travel therefore here are  some sharing of my trip to KL.  my parents and I took a bus from Singapore to KL and personally  I enjoy it as not much hustle or jammed.  Everything went smooth as in the traffic and crowd. We passes through a lot of palm plantation and awesome sceneries along the way.  Here are some of the views I managed to snap. 

It’s so breathtaking as you can’t find this scenery at singapore, the concrete jungle. 

We stayed at Berjaya times Square hotel and I recommend you guys to stay here as the price is reasonable and I get to wake up and welcomed by the view of KLCC.  

We didn’t do much on the first day as we are kinda tired. 

After our awesome breakfast in hotel,  we went for sight seeing at KLCC area and that was my main intention coming here  as it was my first time here.  Lol. 

Anyways not much different from Singapore, still a concrete jungle but at least there’s a silhouette of mountains that can make  you imagine and dream of nice things.  

We visited the aquaria of KLCC and still singapore aquarium still the best eventhough I haven’t had a chance to go there.  I know it’s bigger and wider range of sea creatures.  Here I share few pics of took

I think we spend less than 1/2hour to appreaciate and see the exhibits. Another words it’s not big and  we paid 64 ringgit. I guess it’s OK for a first timer like me. 

Next we went wondering around KLCC and snap few more pics for memories sake. 

It’s nice but tiring as we walk a lot.  After a whole day of sightseeing we went for a little shopping at kenangga mall. My parents said it’s cheap  personally I don’t really like it as the people there are not that friendly as Berjaya times Square shopping mall and more varieties of things I could find at btsm. 

Finally while both my parents decided to rest in the hotel after a whole day walking and accompanying me I decided to get a quick massage at one of the Thai massage place in btsm. It’s is recommended to go.  The massage is good and really relaxing.  And guys please I’m not referring to happy ending ya as I’m not really interested on that kind of things. Hahah. 

To end up the night I went solo to bukit bintang. Surprisingly there’s like a lot of happening bars, performance and food place. But I dnt really feel safe walking here alone not as my solo trips to Cambodia or Thailand it feels so weird people here giving me one kind of look.  But overall I enjoy it.  

My initial plan was that to continue my solo trip to sabah for more adventure but I gotta postpone it as I have booked a yatch to go fishing with my dad on Sat at singapore. Dammmnnn  but it’s OK. More adventure to come!! Woohoo! 

My purpose in life

Let me drop down few purpose in life that I can think of as to reminds me when I feel down and get emotional and unmotivated. 

  • Live happily and do things because of Allah not for people. 
  • Make my parents happy and proud of me. 
  • Achieve my goals to be an artist or designer, eventhough I am one but lots more of things for to learn and exposed to. As knowledge is never enough. 
  • Give back o the society. 
  • Be financially stable so that I won’t have debt in life. 
  • Retire happily. 
  • Have a beautiful family, wife and children, maybe at least 4 children. 
  • Travel the world and discover the unknown.
  •  Be kind and respect to people and bring inspiration to others. 

That’s what I can think as for now. I’m going with the flow to the plans that God has set and do it right and work hard to achieve it.  May God always guide me through and open up opportunities for me to grow and be successful. Amin. 

Expressing through art

Earlier I had an art session which needed me to decorate a box to show or express my feelings.  We were told to decorate the outer box as to represent how people see us and the inner box as to show how we feel about our self And the attached picture above was my creation. We were given 1hr to decorate it and another hour to explained on our creation. 

Subconsciously,  I just do as what I feel and paste whatever that my mind wanted me to paste on the box.

Let me explained on the outer side first.  

Living in this fast pace society humans tend to be competitive and sometimes we do something without thinking much of the consequences. 

As for the top of the box  you noticed I paste a colourful flowery silhouette of a person with the word  special.  That figure is representing me with  my colourful, loud and bold character and personality.  The colours basically representing my jovial,  go with the flow type of person and always do something to make myself feels good.  Through experiences Ive leant in order to make your life beautiful you have to change how you portray yourself and the way you think about yourself.   

As far as I know,  some  people that knows me able to accept my character but some just can’t. If you ask me why I don’t think I know why.  Lol.  

I never feel sad if a person can’t click with me as I believe I am special and there’s other people that will appreciate me as a friend or a human being.  

Last few month has been a rough months for me,  I learnt who is my true friends,  I’ve learnt on my mistakes,  and I realised that everything that happen to us have been planned by the almighty.  ‘He’  gave us challenges because he know we are strong and able to handle it and at the same time he want us to realised on our wrong doing.  If you noticed there’s many eyes were pasted on the cover of the box. Basically that representing people around us.  Humans can’t escape from making mistakes and we also have the right to judge and make an assumption on a situation we see.  Those eyes are my threat. Even though I know I don’t care on what others think about me but through the stares I somehow get insecure. Lol.  Does it sound contradicting?? Lol

We may think positively in every situation we faced but as humans we have a feeling that lead to ego,  insecure and so on to appear. 

Alright so now let’s move on to the side of the box.  Ok the sides basically showing my interest and goals in life.  I am a people-oriented and therefore I appreciate freedom. Family and friends that I can rely on are the pillars of motivation  for me.  I don’t like to be lock in a space,  I will get easily bored and i am nature person.  That’s somehow a summarize on the outer side of the box or my expression of how people see on me. 

OK the above are the back of the cover. The tiger represents myself and the butterfly representing my goals.  Yup,  it’s hard for me to chase my goals as there’s no such thing as smooth journey in life.  We have to fall,  injured, cry,  suffer before we achieved to what we want it to be.  And the word FABULOUS  Basically just shows my personality as I always try to  think positively in every situation I faced.  

And now the last part which is inner side of the box which expressing how I feel about myself. 

OK I realised our life is like a wave that goes up and down,  Even though we know we try our best to be cheerful and stay positive but there’s a corner of sadness and sorrow in us.  Today we may feel happy the next day we feel stressed up it’s uncertain.  The red colour representing my sadness and worries as I always tend to think too much and the blue representing my happiness.  The rest such as stars and shinning papers just representing my goals  that I have that Im still striving to achieve. 

 Ok so basically here’s my share on what I feel about my life.  Do tag me if you feel like you wanna share urs.  Let us share some love and learn from one another. 

The generation z

I just finished watching the cardboard boxer and it made me think and blog on this. 

I am greatful  that I got a shelter to live,   Job that allows me to be financially stable,  family that pours their true love and cares for me and a decent knowledge and qualification that allows me to keep moving and progressing. 

But am I doing some thing that I enjoy? That I love to do? Do I feel enough to what I have? Many more questions that plays through my mind.  

I am speaking on behalf of some generation Z,  we complaint, we whine, we easily got broke down,  we boot licking  and many more just to to keep up with life and to support ourself.  The world get very competitive and cruel.  Just because of power,  status and wealth ended us up to all this. Sometimes I wonder,  does the generation before us feel this way? 

We easily get influence by nonsense stuff we saw on YouTube which we think it’s ‘cool’,  we try hard to achieved our dreams to be a successful person but we are not doing things we love doing it.  Due to that we complain and whine.  We seldom practise basic manners such as thank you,  excuse me,  I’m sorry and many more due to the  fast paced society and environment we lived in.  We blame others for the mistakes we did. We forget about other people kindness after we get what we want.  

What is happening to us? Until when am I gonna live this way.  I gotta change this.  Lets look forward and act upon it to make a difference in our lives. 

Ignorance kills humanity

Due to the fast pace society we lived in,  we tend to shut our eyes to the real things happening that we see,  cover our ears from the experiences we heard and shut our mouth from asking and voice out our opinions.  

It is just sad how we have been brought up this days. Life is not owned by us.  We did not know when we will leave this world and losing the people we loved,  things that we owned,  status and power we have and wealth we made. It is all planned by the almighty. 

In whatever religion we are in,  we were taught on fate, Respect, moral and discipline. Even though some may not believe in God. But to believe it or not it’s already been planned out accordingly.

Have we ever had a Dejavu that we feel we experience it before? 

Those who believe in religion,  I am sure we heard stories and advices from our prophets or the wise ones.  Dont you feel it’s a repeatation? 

Stories been told,  experiences been shared and signs been shown are all that we should rely on and not to repeat the same mistake others have made.  Instead we chose to experience it ourself and ignore the reality. But when it hits us,  we get depressed, we blame ourself  or others,  we hurt ourselves and unknowingly we hurt our loved ones too. 

I speak through experiences that I am going through right now. I regret for not believing and taking in  to every stories and advices I get,  books/magazines I read and incident I come across. 

None of us are perfect but that doesn’t mean we are allowed to keep making the same mistakes.  

I think I will laughed and cried at myself if I were to recreate or replay the story of my life from the day I start breathing the air till now. 

The episode of love, which i started from the terms ‘steady’  to ‘honeyboo’ to ‘dear’ and many more.  

The episode of sorrow from the depression I had through love,  bully, being scolded by teachers  and punished by my parents and etc.  

The episode of relieve and satisfaction when I  had a vacation, finishing my school assignment or work projects, the achievements, taking drugs to enjoy life,  have a multiple sex buddies and whatever i can relate to this episode. 

The episode of humour when my friends and I got caught shoplifting, when we go to theme parks and etc. 

All these sweet, salty and sour memories will be remembered and let’s move forward and enjoy the roller coaster ride of life. Let’s learn from others and make the right choice in our life.