The moment I feel useless

Yesterday was my first breakdown and somehow it got carried away till today. I started to think that I lost my purpose in life. I started to feel like I’m exhausted with my life.

Eventhough I got counsel by few of my friends but yet my mindset doesn’t change. I don’t usually acted this way or have this kind of thought. It’s just tiring and exhausting.

I do realise it is just an unnecessary thought and worries but I can’t seem to be ok. What actually happen to me? Why do I feel this way? What should I do!? What actually that I need? Where is the old me that take life seriously and find every solution to my problems.

Tbh, I feel like suicidal but that will just make things worse. I tried to pray to the lord but my mind like running crazily. I can’t really find what the cause.

I wrote it here and let others read it because I need help. I need a solution. I need to be myself again. I swear this is tiring.

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Recipe of chocolate crinkle cookies

Hey alls today I would like to share with you on the recipe of chocolate crinkle cookies. The first time I baked it taste a bit salty but after knowing my mistakes now it taste awesomely good. The taste is exactly like brownies only that it is coated with powdered sugar. I bet you it is easy and extremely nice.

_things that you need_

2 big bowls

-a mixer

– teaspoon

-few cups

– plastic wraps

– baking paper

-trays

– oven

-olive oil

– icing/powdered sugar

_Let’s start with the dry ingredients_

-2cups of all purpose flour

-1 teaspoon of baking powder

-1/2 teaspoons of salt

-1 cup of unsweetened cocoa (preferably use the high quality ones like Hershey)

Once you got all that, put all the dry ingredients on a bowl and start to whisk and mix them up.

_Now the wet ingredients_

-1cup of granulated sugar

-1cup of brown sugar

-2/3 of salted butter (you choose whether to go with salted ones or not)

-1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

-4 eggs

First of all you will need to heat up the butter and melt it on a pot and transfer it to a glass or a bowl to let it cool before you proceed to the next step.

Get ready a bowl on a mixer where you can mix all the dry and wet ingredients.

First, Put the cup of granulated sugar and the brown sugar in the bowl then pour down the cooled butter that you heated up earlier. Add the vanilla extract. And crack the eggs. And start mixing it up on a mixer.

You will mixed the wet ingredients till you get the slimy looking feel. Once you got that, slowly pour the dry ingredients on the bowl of the wet ones that u mixed earlier. And start the mixer to mix it all..

After you mixed it and you feel it is OK. Use the plastic wrap and cover up the top of the bowl of the mixture and put it in the fridge for 4 hours.

Now get ready a bowl/plate of icing/powdered sugar. And a small bowl of olive oil.

The olive oil will create a barrier for the mixture not to stick to your hand when you ball up the mixture later.

At this stage you should already prepare the baking paper on the trays. And heat up your over to 290 Celsius.

OK after 4 hours, bring out the mixture. Scoop up a small amount and roll it into a ball look and throw it on the plate of powdered sugar and coat the ball nicely with the sugar. In order to make it looks nice coat it a lot of sugar. 

Then place the coated sugary chocolate balls on the trays. Make sure to space up the placement of the balls.

Now you proceed to heat up your trays of chocolate crinkle balls on the oven

Let it bake for 10minutes. If you unsure whether it’s cooked or not use toothpick, poke on 1of the ball and check if the chocolate crinkle ball still stick to the toothpick.

Well the rest you should know what to do next. And walla!!  there you go your beautiful chocolate crinkle cookies… Hope the instruction is easy to follow if not do let me know. And share with me how is the outcomes.

Hope you enjoy the recipe and turn out as nice as mine. Hahaha.

The process of labouring a newborn kittens

My cat just laboured to 5 beautiful kittens. This is my first time witnessing the labouring process of a cat. To be honest, ever since I realised my female cat tummy have grew bigger, I kept counting down the days and do up my research on the things that I needed  to know and prepare myself for that special moment. Therefore here I would like to share some points and information that I experience during this process and after the process. 

Trust me I understand how worried and excited you are when u know your beloved female cat is pregnant and about to labour at any moment. 

OK firstly, from the research I’ve done female cat will give labour around 60 days and so after they Mating. I know who the hell will know if the Mating is a success or not. Haha. Never mind  not to worry allow me to guide you through. 

Signs of a pregnant cat

  • The female cat will tend to eat more and rest more. 
  • The tummy tend to get bigger than normal, as for my cat it is so obvious because my female cat is not a chubby type. 
  • You will notice the nipple get pinkish than usual. 
  • She will tend to seek attention from you more. 

OK so after you noticed all the possible signs, you just gotta be patience and wait for the time. Only God knows when she will deliver the babies. At this time you will need to prepare the bedding for her, you might want to use the newspaper or bedding pad that easy for u to clean up after the whole process

Signs of labouring

  • She will tend to suddenly stop eating and rest more. 
  • She will find a dark and comfortable place to labour the kittens. 
  • She will meow to you to tell you that she’s about to deliver the babies. 
  • You will notice there’s a contraction on the tummy area as if like she’s feel uncomfortable and in pain. 

At this moment if you’re close with your female cat, she will expecting you to pet her and calm her down. Btw the male cat will just hack care to her so don’t even bother to finding answers why your male cat acted that way. 

Now the moment has come where you will see new kittens popping out. As for me, at this moment I start to feel excited and panicked. Many questions thons comes to my mind such as, what if the mommy cat not strong to push out the kittens during the labouring? ., how does the kittens looks like?, what if the mommy eat the babies?, do I have to help her cut off the placenta and whatever cords that connected with the kittens? Basically it’s a mix feeling of worried and excited. 

Please bear in mind, stop worrying! Your female cat can sense that you are worried and that will make the process to be not smooth. 

Just be patience. As for myself I play the calm music for pregnant cat in YouTube in order to make the cat and myself feels calm. 

During this process, do not worry on anything let the mommy cat do her job. She just need you to give her the moral support and show her some love that’s all. You don’t really have to care on what you need to do.

 https://youtu.be/dd-73NJ5E44 

I have attached the link for you to watch how the labouring process looks like.  Trust me she will do everything by herself. Oh unless if you noticed like something doesn’t look right then you can act on it as for me I noticed the 4th kitten got stuck by the head  so I actually slowly pull it out. Please do not rush. And please note down the time and day of every kitten so you know how long she delivered the babies. As for my cat she delivered with an interval of half an hour for each babies. She started around 1pm and ends around 4pm. Let me repeat this let her do her job she will clean the babies and eat the placenta and whatever that comes out with the kittens and just leave the cords with babies for few days till it drops by itself. 

After she successfully delivered all the kittens, I advice you to leave the mother and kittens alone. At this moment the mother deserves some rest. Look how shag she looks after the labouring.

Please put the food and drinks somewhere near her so she wouldn’t need to walk a long distance just to fill her stomach and get hydrated. 

You know I actually lost one of the kitten because I didn’t know that I shouldn’t touch or carry the baby too much for the first few weeks.  The mother somehow will be over protective and may loose interest to the kitten that you touch. I think he is dead because the mother have lost interest to him and nvr feed him or cleanse him or something like that. Honestly I also not sure what is the cause for the death. Anyways just a reminder, try not to change the bedding for the first two weeks as the mother would prefer the scent and will feel lost and she might kill all the kittens. Hahaha just joking but really do not change the bedding and leave it at least the first week. At this moment the mother cat is very sensitive to everything. 

I hope my sharing might be useful to some you and may give you some ideas what will happen. If you have any comments please feel free to write it to me.  Cheers. 

My purpose in life

Let me drop down few purpose in life that I can think of as to reminds me when I feel down and get emotional and unmotivated. 

  • Live happily and do things because of Allah not for people. 
  • Make my parents happy and proud of me. 
  • Achieve my goals to be an artist or designer, eventhough I am one but lots more of things for to learn and exposed to. As knowledge is never enough. 
  • Give back o the society. 
  • Be financially stable so that I won’t have debt in life. 
  • Retire happily. 
  • Have a beautiful family, wife and children, maybe at least 4 children. 
  • Travel the world and discover the unknown.
  •  Be kind and respect to people and bring inspiration to others. 

That’s what I can think as for now. I’m going with the flow to the plans that God has set and do it right and work hard to achieve it.  May God always guide me through and open up opportunities for me to grow and be successful. Amin. 

Expressing through art

Earlier I had an art session which needed me to decorate a box to show or express my feelings.  We were told to decorate the outer box as to represent how people see us and the inner box as to show how we feel about our self And the attached picture above was my creation. We were given 1hr to decorate it and another hour to explained on our creation. 

Subconsciously,  I just do as what I feel and paste whatever that my mind wanted me to paste on the box.

Let me explained on the outer side first.  

Living in this fast pace society humans tend to be competitive and sometimes we do something without thinking much of the consequences. 

As for the top of the box  you noticed I paste a colourful flowery silhouette of a person with the word  special.  That figure is representing me with  my colourful, loud and bold character and personality.  The colours basically representing my jovial,  go with the flow type of person and always do something to make myself feels good.  Through experiences Ive leant in order to make your life beautiful you have to change how you portray yourself and the way you think about yourself.   

As far as I know,  some  people that knows me able to accept my character but some just can’t. If you ask me why I don’t think I know why.  Lol.  

I never feel sad if a person can’t click with me as I believe I am special and there’s other people that will appreciate me as a friend or a human being.  

Last few month has been a rough months for me,  I learnt who is my true friends,  I’ve learnt on my mistakes,  and I realised that everything that happen to us have been planned by the almighty.  ‘He’  gave us challenges because he know we are strong and able to handle it and at the same time he want us to realised on our wrong doing.  If you noticed there’s many eyes were pasted on the cover of the box. Basically that representing people around us.  Humans can’t escape from making mistakes and we also have the right to judge and make an assumption on a situation we see.  Those eyes are my threat. Even though I know I don’t care on what others think about me but through the stares I somehow get insecure. Lol.  Does it sound contradicting?? Lol

We may think positively in every situation we faced but as humans we have a feeling that lead to ego,  insecure and so on to appear. 

Alright so now let’s move on to the side of the box.  Ok the sides basically showing my interest and goals in life.  I am a people-oriented and therefore I appreciate freedom. Family and friends that I can rely on are the pillars of motivation  for me.  I don’t like to be lock in a space,  I will get easily bored and i am nature person.  That’s somehow a summarize on the outer side of the box or my expression of how people see on me. 

OK the above are the back of the cover. The tiger represents myself and the butterfly representing my goals.  Yup,  it’s hard for me to chase my goals as there’s no such thing as smooth journey in life.  We have to fall,  injured, cry,  suffer before we achieved to what we want it to be.  And the word FABULOUS  Basically just shows my personality as I always try to  think positively in every situation I faced.  

And now the last part which is inner side of the box which expressing how I feel about myself. 

OK I realised our life is like a wave that goes up and down,  Even though we know we try our best to be cheerful and stay positive but there’s a corner of sadness and sorrow in us.  Today we may feel happy the next day we feel stressed up it’s uncertain.  The red colour representing my sadness and worries as I always tend to think too much and the blue representing my happiness.  The rest such as stars and shinning papers just representing my goals  that I have that Im still striving to achieve. 

 Ok so basically here’s my share on what I feel about my life.  Do tag me if you feel like you wanna share urs.  Let us share some love and learn from one another.