Keeping back to track.

It’s been a while I stopped blogging. I took the the time to compose my thoughts on what my purpose in life. Actually it is not that hard to recognize the problems when you undergo the depression state. What you need is just the time to think through and do some reflection on your life.

Anyways enough of the sad story of life, life still gotta move on.

Today I would like to share and show my gratitude to some people that I’ve met for the past few months.

If you keep track with my earlier post, I think I mentioned that I went through counseling on my depression. And I am glad and grateful that somehow it helps me alot. I would like to say my thanks to Anwar and hetty for being there with me and woke me up from my lala land.

Allow me to emphasize this, I am sharing my stories/experiences not because I want a sympathy from anyone but I really believe every human living in this world will face the same problems and they might have the same solution. The least I could do is to offer some advice.

Lately, I have been active in the art scene. All thanks to Mr Jalal for believing in me and my talent and open up the platform for me to grow and get more exposure in the art scene. He is the one that pulled me to a malay art organization called Angkatan Pelukis Aneka Daya (APAD). From there, I have been participated in many art exhibition and got to know many artist. Such as Mr Ramli, Mr Kamal, Mr suhaimi and many more. If time permits I will compile the pictures of the art shows that I participated individually and blog about it.

So as for now I only gonna briefly share on the exhibition that I have been participated.

My first art exhibition is at NUVE heritage hotel opening with Mr Jalal and other artist.I exhibited my work that I did for an exhibition at National Art Museum singapore under ‘700years:Singapura’. It is a hand drawn sketch of an old trading chinese house in Singapore during the WW2. The Chinese calligraphy was written as ‘the golden twin pagoda’ if im not mistaken.

Then on Sept 28,2017, I participated in RUMPUN which held in BANDUNG. As for this exhibition I exhibited my piece which called ‘ketulusan cinta’ which means the sincerity of love. This artpiece basically just an expression what a love means. The calla flowers representing the purity and sincerity while the background showing the boldness, the strength of love and the meaning of love. It is written in malay language. I will elaborate more when I blog about it later.

After a few months later, I worked on my new artpiece that was exhibited at ION ART GALLERY SINGAPORE, on 22 Dec 2017. As for this artwork I chose to paint a backyard scene. I specifically chose this scene because I noticed only few shop houses that still have this type of spiral staircase. It is hard for us to find a new houses with spiral staircase. And I also love the old and nostalgic feel of it.

So now the forth one, I participated and exhibited my artpieces at KUALA LUMPUR, it is curated by a team of artists that representing the 3 different countries which is Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore. This exhibition called IMAGO MUNDI KUALA LUMPUR. For this exhibition, I exhibited my series works that is called ‘Priorities’. It was held at Hulo Hotel on 5 January 2018. This pieces basically shows a movement of a dancer expressing the freedom, the joy and the greatest passion that they pursuing. The colours represent the emotion and the determination of the dancers.

At this exhibition I met with a group of fun, interesting and experience artist and I am glad that I get the chance to know them. They have been given me many advices and through the stories and experiences that they shared. I also learnt a lot in all aspect such as, life, art related stuff, love, fashion trend and many more. And accidentally we were named as ‘geng 44’. I will elaborate more later when I get the chance. But yes I would like to say my thanks to all of in G44 that gives me hope and never stopped motivates each other and care for each other to grow to be a better artist and a person in life. I really appreciate the time we spent and I’m grateful that God has set us to know each other and make us as a team. Allow me to mention the members of G44, Fazelah, Dino, naff, Gazz and Eja! Thanks guys for the friendship!

Anyways, and now I am preparing for my 2 upcoming exhibition which is the first one will be soon, on 10 Feb 2018 @ NUVE heritage hotel, the exhibition called, Space 11,Cloud 9. For this exhibition I’m exhibiting my 2previous pieces which is the backyard scene and the golden twin pagoda.

And the second upcoming exhibition will be on 28 March 2018 @ fairmont hotel at Jakarta. As for this exhibition, I exhibiting my 2 series of bipolar. Basically I chose my cats to be the subject. The painting shows two faced of cats with a different colourful background that directed to the different types of character and emotion. I purposely chose my cats because all of them have a different character and that characters are totally reflected me as a person.

In the past I used to be so curious in everything and I will make myself to try it and experience it. I chose that decision I’ve made and I aware the choices will either ends me up to a bad or good feeling. And yes I have no regrets to making those choices. And that’s the the reasons why I chose my cats as the subject. Like an old saying

Curiosity kills the cats.

And lastly I also would like to both bosses that I worked with in M3 STUDIO. they have been very supportive and understanding and patience enough to entertained my bullshit. Lol. And bosses if by chance u read this blog I really would like to say my deepest thanks to both of u for everything. And I am grateful God set my path to be with u guys as for me to learn from u guys. Its an eye opening for me…

OK as I mentioned earlier I would love to blog and share my journey in the art scene that I’ve been participated. And definitely this will drag me for a long period of time for me to compile them and blog about it. I think it is a good thing!! At least I have a topic to share, rather than the sad stories every single time.

Let me know of what u think about my blog! And if by chance u interested on my artpieces do follow me in my insta @muddmitaq or email me Ya. Wish me luck and may more doors of opportunities opens for me to experience and expose my capabilities and my talents to the world /society!

Ways to overcome depression

After going through depression, it is not easy for us to go back to track. We will definitely start to lose passion in things that we are doing, we tend to isolate ourself more often, we afraid if something will trigger our anxiety emotion and many more. stop thinking too much Here are few steps that I did to overcome it.

1) we need to unload all our worries and problems by sharing it to trust ones or counsellor. Through sharing, somehow it ease the pain in us. At this state, we are not on the right mind to think what is right and wrong to do, act or move. Maybe by sharing, the other parties could advise us on the right thing to do? We wouldn’t know.

2) everytime when that worries come. Try to write it down on a paper. Usually it will comes in a questions. Your mind will start asking you all sort of questions that sometimes doesn’t make sense. So just write it down. From there we can recognise the worries and try to overcome it step at a time.

3) stop thinking too much. Don’t let the mind set the thoughts. We should control the thoughts. By letting the thoughts to control your mind, it will surely leads you to worries, stress and make u sad or anxious.

4) Have faith and pray to the lord. I, myself not that religious at the first place to tell u on this but somehow it helps. I believe in whatever religion you are, by hurting yourself will just make you more sinner and that’s not the way out to every problem we have. God have planned our route well. He tested us because he knew we can handle it and to widens up our minds to life experiences and go through it in faith. There will definitely be a happiness at the end of the of the route.

5)don’t isolate yourself. Go for a walk at a park, go for trekking, walk the dog out or whatever that can make you to enjoy the scenery and appreciate the nature. Scientifically proven by go to nature area like park, jungle, hill and many more it helps to freshen our minds and release our problems.

6) lastly, through this period you may know who are your true friends. Who will come to you and show that they cares for you, they treasure your friendship. it is the time for you to cut loose the relationship with the one that you thought ur ‘bestfriend’ but never once they ask you about your wellbeing or what so ever. I totally understand maybe they busy but come on if let say you post it on the Facebook that you are under depression, can’t they at least take a few minutes just to show compassion and emphaty. If they really understand your situation I think they don’t mind to hear you out and help you as much as they can to lessen your worries or troubles. This is through my experience lately. Lol.

I hope it is helpful to those who are having depression and lost on what to do. Remember by hurting yourself you will only hurts others who cares for you.

There’s once a person told me. Respect yourself first, show that you love yourself from there people will come to you and appreciate you.

Find your happiness and answer to all your questions

I am feeling much better now. I just came back from meeting with my counselor and she made me realised that all the worries and problems are actually things that I can easily conquer at a time.

The reason I got a panicked attack the last few days is due to the disappointment, fear and self vulnerability. From all the past problems it got compiled and been kept to myself that made it burst at one time unexpectedly.

I am looking forward to see the difference in 2months time. Why is it 2months? Because i dont want to do things half way. I need to finish up all my current projects that I’m handling and I need to settle things step at a time.

So to those who are in a situation where ur mind suddenly bring up a million of questions about ur life, ur future, and purpose of living and etc. I would advice you to write it down on a paper and vomit all out the thoughts, the problems, the sadness, the worries, the disappointment, the fear and etc in order for you recognise the issues.

The advice that she gave me is

Get back into the driver seat and take charge of your life!

Trust me it helps alot! Do give it a try!

The power of spectacles

To those people that knows me, they feel normal to see me keep changing my spectacles on different events, day and moment. And its normal for me to get a question or remarks such as ‘Are you ok, why you keep changing spectacles?’ or ‘There he goes again with different personalities’

To be honest im not fetish to specs. But i treat my spectacles as a mask that i wear in everyday life. As i mentioned in my earlier blog i used to be bullied when im in primary school. Maybe thats the cause for me to feel its necessary to wear mask.  By the way,  all my specs have a degree so it’s not fake.

Many people will say that they don’t like drama,  but do they realise that drama somehow makes their life interesting? Why do I mentioning this?

In total I have 12 spectacles.  Different specs portray different character of me. I am a person that lives with one principle in life which is

‘In life, we are the one that responsible to the decision and choices we make.  God have planned many routes for us to choose and all will definitely lead us to good and bad.  We choose,  we decide, we face it. ‘

By having different character in different situation it actually makes a person lives to be interesting and this relates to the life drama.  A good example is colours,  try imagine there’s no colours in the world we lived in,  everything is tone of grey.  Do u think you will enjoy ur life? I doubt so.  Ok now imagine your world is red colour,  what do you think the people will be like?  Scary, fear, provoking?  What about white? Pure,  clean, peaceful?

Here are some of my specs that i can show you. That’s the same reason I have for my specs. Different patterns, shapes and colours portray different looks and attitude.

You may say that I am not being myself, selfish, bogus and so on. Honestly, now I’m asking you, since when humans is original? All of us copy from others to be successful and well known. It’s just how we do it differently and improvise it. Nowadays, people tend to be busybody talking about others but do they actually take some of their time to do a reflection of themselves?nope I doubt so. Maybe some will do.

OK in conclusion I believe to live in this world you must have faith and believe. But in order for you enjoy it, it actually depends on you. How you handle your situation? How you spend your free time? Who you befriend with? How you being brought up? How your past impacted you? And many more.

It’s you that changes your life not others. Don’t let others bring you down by what they say. Words are cheap but action is gold. You live your life’s therefore you decide what are the things that can make it interesting for you to face the challenges but yet make it interesting. Nothing is easy in life except when you stop breathing. Let your past to teach you, to improve you, to educate you. Learn from it and be better.

The impalpable love.

Everyone needs love but have we found the  perfect ones? Indulging the feelings of love to someone needs more than time,  money and commitment.  Once you realise shes/he were the one,  u will give everything to the person. But once u loose the love ones,  u will stuck and lost not sure how to restart ur love life.

As for me,  it’s been 2years I stand with a ‘single’  title among the  friends that were same aged as me.  It’s easy for them to say ‘Hey just go and talk to her!’

Maybe if im in my 20, surely no hesitation will take place but now  every words and actions will be  analyze in my mind before letting out to portray and represent me. 

Maybe it’s not the time yet for me to give my all to the love ones but surely its not wrong for me to feel loved and get love from someone.

In my life,  I practice to wear different mask at different time according to the situation and that’s the same way I deal with love now.  I know it may sound cheap and unfaithful but all I know once I’m ready and shes the one, surely I will sacrifice everything for her.

The kiss, the hug, the moments and the actions are just the stunts that i create in order to satisfy each other. This is life.

And,  in the end The love you take is equal to the love you make – by Paul McCartney, The Beatles.

Nowadays human were being controlled by the status, power, and wealth in order for them to find their happiness. It’s sad but it’s norm too to perceive this behavior.

Come what may and I can just hope and pray that the right one will appear and desist me from continuing these unacceptable behavior.

 

 

CURIOSITY KILLS YOU

A short story that my friend would like me to blog about him being curious in everything. I hope this sharing may help some people.

I met a guy named ‘Camie’  during my trip.  It was nice to meet him at the ferry stop when I’m on my way back to Bangkok. I still remembered he was like lost with his big backpack. I assume that was his first backpacking just as me.  Lol.  Anyways,  I approached him and start a conversation.  Personally I don’t like to be quiet for a long time so I need someone to talk to.  So we chatted, we covered on many topics like experiences of being solo backpackers, about life and many more. 

One particular stories that he shared were the adventure of curiosity.  He mentioned that whenever he feel like doing he definitely will do it.  So he shared with me about him curious and tried the gay life.  He stated that it was fun, less worries, less problem but just need to go check up every 4months and so on but the only thing he fail to do is self control. 

According to him,  nowadays it’s easy for someone to trap himself in gay life once he started.  Firstly,  numbers of gays are rising.  Secondly,  gay love will not end u up with pregnancy.  Thirdly,  most gays are financially stable.  And lastly,  the sex are better than with girls. 

He told me all started from the Internet.  At first,  he was just curious and just wanna know what and why people be gay.  So he search about it and came across a website that allow him  to chat with the other person and that leads them to meet up. At this point,  he knew he must be confident and have a self control. But sadly he loses it after the guy seduce him when they were tipsy. 

From that onwards,  he slowly start to meet more gays and have fun with them.  The initial plan of ‘to know’  now change ‘to wants’.

I did asked him if he ever thought of stopping and start a new with ladies and be normal and he answered ”

I’ve tried but I can’t!”

He even tell me many times to not have a mindset or curious about this gay life.

In conclusion, he said that he learnt his mistake of not to be too curious about everything around him. Curiosity kills yourself if you’re not strong spiritually & mentally. Just be conscious that everything happen for a reason and it is already planned out for us nicely so don’t let that curiosity change ur faith. 

Never too late for first timer

In life, we have to allow new experiences and situations to come in order to learn and gain knowledge from it. I am grateful and blessed with a good job that allows me to be financially stable and unlocked my ‘want’ list that ive been waiting for to do or to have eversince I graduated. I feel that 2016 is the luckiest year for me. Never knew that I could do a lot of things for the first time. It may sound ridiculous but this is the reality that ive gone through.

THINGS THAT I DO FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2016.

1) Buy my first phone using my own money.

For 29 years I have been depending on my parents and I feel ashamed of myself. Anyway all that happened due to my studies and I’m Asian haha. I didn’t know buying phone is so troublesome and costly. If not because of my work I think I will still be using prepaid card on that extra phone that my mom have.

2) Pampering myself

After being single for more than a year plus, Finally i am confident to Pamper myself by going to the spa, eat nice food, watch movies and many more by myself. I know it may sound like loser but who cares.

3) Adventure the world

In the early Feb 2016, I had my first solo backpacking trip to Cambodia, Koh Chang Island and Thailand. I’ve met a lot of people from different countries and somehow it widen up my thought. And this lead me to another point…

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4) Make friends with people from other countries.

Language has been my weakest subject since in high school FYI I failed my english language for my O level. To my surprise, the people that ive met actually told me that I spoke good English hahah. I also never knew that I could understand them eventhough they talk fast and use different type of accents.

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5) Shop like crazy

Most of the stuff I bought were through online shopping. I find it efficient and hassle-free but the waiting time for the items to reach to you will take forever but who cares the price definitely cheaper than shopping in a mall. There’s one time my mom scolded me because almost everyday she need to attend to a postman guy on my behalf that come to our house to deliver my purchases. Some of the items can be trusted but some are not. So becareful!

Thanks for reading my blog.  I know I’m pathetic but I’m trying now.  Hahaha.  Please feel free to comment Ya.