Keeping back to track.

It’s been a while I stopped blogging. I took the the time to compose my thoughts on what my purpose in life. Actually it is not that hard to recognize the problems when you undergo the depression state. What you need is just the time to think through and do some reflection on your life.

Anyways enough of the sad story of life, life still gotta move on.

Today I would like to share and show my gratitude to some people that I’ve met for the past few months.

If you keep track with my earlier post, I think I mentioned that I went through counseling on my depression. And I am glad and grateful that somehow it helps me alot. I would like to say my thanks to Anwar and hetty for being there with me and woke me up from my lala land.

Allow me to emphasize this, I am sharing my stories/experiences not because I want a sympathy from anyone but I really believe every human living in this world will face the same problems and they might have the same solution. The least I could do is to offer some advice.

Lately, I have been active in the art scene. All thanks to Mr Jalal for believing in me and my talent and open up the platform for me to grow and get more exposure in the art scene. He is the one that pulled me to a malay art organization called Angkatan Pelukis Aneka Daya (APAD). From there, I have been participated in many art exhibition and got to know many artist. Such as Mr Ramli, Mr Kamal, Mr suhaimi and many more. If time permits I will compile the pictures of the art shows that I participated individually and blog about it.

So as for now I only gonna briefly share on the exhibition that I have been participated.

My first art exhibition is at NUVE heritage hotel opening with Mr Jalal and other artist.I exhibited my work that I did for an exhibition at National Art Museum singapore under ‘700years:Singapura’. It is a hand drawn sketch of an old trading chinese house in Singapore during the WW2. The Chinese calligraphy was written as ‘the golden twin pagoda’ if im not mistaken.

Then on Sept 28,2017, I participated in RUMPUN which held in BANDUNG. As for this exhibition I exhibited my piece which called ‘ketulusan cinta’ which means the sincerity of love. This artpiece basically just an expression what a love means. The calla flowers representing the purity and sincerity while the background showing the boldness, the strength of love and the meaning of love. It is written in malay language. I will elaborate more when I blog about it later.

After a few months later, I worked on my new artpiece that was exhibited at ION ART GALLERY SINGAPORE, on 22 Dec 2017. As for this artwork I chose to paint a backyard scene. I specifically chose this scene because I noticed only few shop houses that still have this type of spiral staircase. It is hard for us to find a new houses with spiral staircase. And I also love the old and nostalgic feel of it.

So now the forth one, I participated and exhibited my artpieces at KUALA LUMPUR, it is curated by a team of artists that representing the 3 different countries which is Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore. This exhibition called IMAGO MUNDI KUALA LUMPUR. For this exhibition, I exhibited my series works that is called ‘Priorities’. It was held at Hulo Hotel on 5 January 2018. This pieces basically shows a movement of a dancer expressing the freedom, the joy and the greatest passion that they pursuing. The colours represent the emotion and the determination of the dancers.

At this exhibition I met with a group of fun, interesting and experience artist and I am glad that I get the chance to know them. They have been given me many advices and through the stories and experiences that they shared. I also learnt a lot in all aspect such as, life, art related stuff, love, fashion trend and many more. And accidentally we were named as ‘geng 44’. I will elaborate more later when I get the chance. But yes I would like to say my thanks to all of in G44 that gives me hope and never stopped motivates each other and care for each other to grow to be a better artist and a person in life. I really appreciate the time we spent and I’m grateful that God has set us to know each other and make us as a team. Allow me to mention the members of G44, Fazelah, Dino, naff, Gazz and Eja! Thanks guys for the friendship!

Anyways, and now I am preparing for my 2 upcoming exhibition which is the first one will be soon, on 10 Feb 2018 @ NUVE heritage hotel, the exhibition called, Space 11,Cloud 9. For this exhibition I’m exhibiting my 2previous pieces which is the backyard scene and the golden twin pagoda.

And the second upcoming exhibition will be on 28 March 2018 @ fairmont hotel at Jakarta. As for this exhibition, I exhibiting my 2 series of bipolar. Basically I chose my cats to be the subject. The painting shows two faced of cats with a different colourful background that directed to the different types of character and emotion. I purposely chose my cats because all of them have a different character and that characters are totally reflected me as a person.

In the past I used to be so curious in everything and I will make myself to try it and experience it. I chose that decision I’ve made and I aware the choices will either ends me up to a bad or good feeling. And yes I have no regrets to making those choices. And that’s the the reasons why I chose my cats as the subject. Like an old saying

Curiosity kills the cats.

And lastly I also would like to both bosses that I worked with in M3 STUDIO. they have been very supportive and understanding and patience enough to entertained my bullshit. Lol. And bosses if by chance u read this blog I really would like to say my deepest thanks to both of u for everything. And I am grateful God set my path to be with u guys as for me to learn from u guys. Its an eye opening for me…

OK as I mentioned earlier I would love to blog and share my journey in the art scene that I’ve been participated. And definitely this will drag me for a long period of time for me to compile them and blog about it. I think it is a good thing!! At least I have a topic to share, rather than the sad stories every single time.

Let me know of what u think about my blog! And if by chance u interested on my artpieces do follow me in my insta @muddmitaq or email me Ya. Wish me luck and may more doors of opportunities opens for me to experience and expose my capabilities and my talents to the world /society!

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Ways to overcome depression

After going through depression, it is not easy for us to go back to track. We will definitely start to lose passion in things that we are doing, we tend to isolate ourself more often, we afraid if something will trigger our anxiety emotion and many more. stop thinking too much Here are few steps that I did to overcome it.

1) we need to unload all our worries and problems by sharing it to trust ones or counsellor. Through sharing, somehow it ease the pain in us. At this state, we are not on the right mind to think what is right and wrong to do, act or move. Maybe by sharing, the other parties could advise us on the right thing to do? We wouldn’t know.

2) everytime when that worries come. Try to write it down on a paper. Usually it will comes in a questions. Your mind will start asking you all sort of questions that sometimes doesn’t make sense. So just write it down. From there we can recognise the worries and try to overcome it step at a time.

3) stop thinking too much. Don’t let the mind set the thoughts. We should control the thoughts. By letting the thoughts to control your mind, it will surely leads you to worries, stress and make u sad or anxious.

4) Have faith and pray to the lord. I, myself not that religious at the first place to tell u on this but somehow it helps. I believe in whatever religion you are, by hurting yourself will just make you more sinner and that’s not the way out to every problem we have. God have planned our route well. He tested us because he knew we can handle it and to widens up our minds to life experiences and go through it in faith. There will definitely be a happiness at the end of the of the route.

5)don’t isolate yourself. Go for a walk at a park, go for trekking, walk the dog out or whatever that can make you to enjoy the scenery and appreciate the nature. Scientifically proven by go to nature area like park, jungle, hill and many more it helps to freshen our minds and release our problems.

6) lastly, through this period you may know who are your true friends. Who will come to you and show that they cares for you, they treasure your friendship. it is the time for you to cut loose the relationship with the one that you thought ur ‘bestfriend’ but never once they ask you about your wellbeing or what so ever. I totally understand maybe they busy but come on if let say you post it on the Facebook that you are under depression, can’t they at least take a few minutes just to show compassion and emphaty. If they really understand your situation I think they don’t mind to hear you out and help you as much as they can to lessen your worries or troubles. This is through my experience lately. Lol.

I hope it is helpful to those who are having depression and lost on what to do. Remember by hurting yourself you will only hurts others who cares for you.

There’s once a person told me. Respect yourself first, show that you love yourself from there people will come to you and appreciate you.

Find your happiness and answer to all your questions

I am feeling much better now. I just came back from meeting with my counselor and she made me realised that all the worries and problems are actually things that I can easily conquer at a time.

The reason I got a panicked attack the last few days is due to the disappointment, fear and self vulnerability. From all the past problems it got compiled and been kept to myself that made it burst at one time unexpectedly.

I am looking forward to see the difference in 2months time. Why is it 2months? Because i dont want to do things half way. I need to finish up all my current projects that I’m handling and I need to settle things step at a time.

So to those who are in a situation where ur mind suddenly bring up a million of questions about ur life, ur future, and purpose of living and etc. I would advice you to write it down on a paper and vomit all out the thoughts, the problems, the sadness, the worries, the disappointment, the fear and etc in order for you recognise the issues.

The advice that she gave me is

Get back into the driver seat and take charge of your life!

Trust me it helps alot! Do give it a try!

The moment I feel useless

Yesterday was my first breakdown and somehow it got carried away till today. I started to think that I lost my purpose in life. I started to feel like I’m exhausted with my life.

Eventhough I got counsel by few of my friends but yet my mindset doesn’t change. I don’t usually acted this way or have this kind of thought. It’s just tiring and exhausting.

I do realise it is just an unnecessary thought and worries but I can’t seem to be ok. What actually happen to me? Why do I feel this way? What should I do!? What actually that I need? Where is the old me that take life seriously and find every solution to my problems.

Tbh, I feel like suicidal but that will just make things worse. I tried to pray to the lord but my mind like running crazily. I can’t really find what the cause.

I wrote it here and let others read it because I need help. I need a solution. I need to be myself again. I swear this is tiring.

Am I too late..

I already hit 30 years old, and now I am in dilemma whether to pursue my studies in arts or to continue my interior design profession.

Many questions I asked myself, such as am I happy working as interior designer? Why am I still don’t see myself growing? Am I not doing enough? Then whatabout my talent in arts? Am I gonna just throw it away?

I am confused on the decision that I have to make. Since young my dreams is to be an artist or to manage my own art gallery. I have gone through many obstacles to be where I am here today.

Firstly, I don’t come from a family that appreciate art. Secondly, I was accepted to go Lasalle but my parents don’t allow me. Thirdly, I go through the hard way. I went ITE instead took product design course. Then I go poly doing my diploma in interior architecture and design. And not forgetting my achievements and participation in arts that I won first place a few times!

What am I supposed to do. Today I realised I think alot! The back of my head start to feel pain. Sometimes I just wish that God take me away as fast as he can. I am tired! I am sick! I am exhausted!. Omg this is my first blog on my breakdowns. Welcome to my world! Who am I? What is my purpose in life?

Recipe of chocolate crinkle cookies

Hey alls today I would like to share with you on the recipe of chocolate crinkle cookies. The first time I baked it taste a bit salty but after knowing my mistakes now it taste awesomely good. The taste is exactly like brownies only that it is coated with powdered sugar. I bet you it is easy and extremely nice.

_things that you need_

2 big bowls

-a mixer

– teaspoon

-few cups

– plastic wraps

– baking paper

-trays

– oven

-olive oil

– icing/powdered sugar

_Let’s start with the dry ingredients_

-2cups of all purpose flour

-1 teaspoon of baking powder

-1/2 teaspoons of salt

-1 cup of unsweetened cocoa (preferably use the high quality ones like Hershey)

Once you got all that, put all the dry ingredients on a bowl and start to whisk and mix them up.

_Now the wet ingredients_

-1cup of granulated sugar

-1cup of brown sugar

-2/3 of salted butter (you choose whether to go with salted ones or not)

-1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

-4 eggs

First of all you will need to heat up the butter and melt it on a pot and transfer it to a glass or a bowl to let it cool before you proceed to the next step.

Get ready a bowl on a mixer where you can mix all the dry and wet ingredients.

First, Put the cup of granulated sugar and the brown sugar in the bowl then pour down the cooled butter that you heated up earlier. Add the vanilla extract. And crack the eggs. And start mixing it up on a mixer.

You will mixed the wet ingredients till you get the slimy looking feel. Once you got that, slowly pour the dry ingredients on the bowl of the wet ones that u mixed earlier. And start the mixer to mix it all..

After you mixed it and you feel it is OK. Use the plastic wrap and cover up the top of the bowl of the mixture and put it in the fridge for 4 hours.

Now get ready a bowl/plate of icing/powdered sugar. And a small bowl of olive oil.

The olive oil will create a barrier for the mixture not to stick to your hand when you ball up the mixture later.

At this stage you should already prepare the baking paper on the trays. And heat up your over to 290 Celsius.

OK after 4 hours, bring out the mixture. Scoop up a small amount and roll it into a ball look and throw it on the plate of powdered sugar and coat the ball nicely with the sugar. In order to make it looks nice coat it a lot of sugar. 

Then place the coated sugary chocolate balls on the trays. Make sure to space up the placement of the balls.

Now you proceed to heat up your trays of chocolate crinkle balls on the oven

Let it bake for 10minutes. If you unsure whether it’s cooked or not use toothpick, poke on 1of the ball and check if the chocolate crinkle ball still stick to the toothpick.

Well the rest you should know what to do next. And walla!!  there you go your beautiful chocolate crinkle cookies… Hope the instruction is easy to follow if not do let me know. And share with me how is the outcomes.

Hope you enjoy the recipe and turn out as nice as mine. Hahaha.

The process of labouring a newborn kittens

My cat just laboured to 5 beautiful kittens. This is my first time witnessing the labouring process of a cat. To be honest, ever since I realised my female cat tummy have grew bigger, I kept counting down the days and do up my research on the things that I needed  to know and prepare myself for that special moment. Therefore here I would like to share some points and information that I experience during this process and after the process. 

Trust me I understand how worried and excited you are when u know your beloved female cat is pregnant and about to labour at any moment. 

OK firstly, from the research I’ve done female cat will give labour around 60 days and so after they Mating. I know who the hell will know if the Mating is a success or not. Haha. Never mind  not to worry allow me to guide you through. 

Signs of a pregnant cat

  • The female cat will tend to eat more and rest more. 
  • The tummy tend to get bigger than normal, as for my cat it is so obvious because my female cat is not a chubby type. 
  • You will notice the nipple get pinkish than usual. 
  • She will tend to seek attention from you more. 

OK so after you noticed all the possible signs, you just gotta be patience and wait for the time. Only God knows when she will deliver the babies. At this time you will need to prepare the bedding for her, you might want to use the newspaper or bedding pad that easy for u to clean up after the whole process

Signs of labouring

  • She will tend to suddenly stop eating and rest more. 
  • She will find a dark and comfortable place to labour the kittens. 
  • She will meow to you to tell you that she’s about to deliver the babies. 
  • You will notice there’s a contraction on the tummy area as if like she’s feel uncomfortable and in pain. 

At this moment if you’re close with your female cat, she will expecting you to pet her and calm her down. Btw the male cat will just hack care to her so don’t even bother to finding answers why your male cat acted that way. 

Now the moment has come where you will see new kittens popping out. As for me, at this moment I start to feel excited and panicked. Many questions thons comes to my mind such as, what if the mommy cat not strong to push out the kittens during the labouring? ., how does the kittens looks like?, what if the mommy eat the babies?, do I have to help her cut off the placenta and whatever cords that connected with the kittens? Basically it’s a mix feeling of worried and excited. 

Please bear in mind, stop worrying! Your female cat can sense that you are worried and that will make the process to be not smooth. 

Just be patience. As for myself I play the calm music for pregnant cat in YouTube in order to make the cat and myself feels calm. 

During this process, do not worry on anything let the mommy cat do her job. She just need you to give her the moral support and show her some love that’s all. You don’t really have to care on what you need to do.

 https://youtu.be/dd-73NJ5E44 

I have attached the link for you to watch how the labouring process looks like.  Trust me she will do everything by herself. Oh unless if you noticed like something doesn’t look right then you can act on it as for me I noticed the 4th kitten got stuck by the head  so I actually slowly pull it out. Please do not rush. And please note down the time and day of every kitten so you know how long she delivered the babies. As for my cat she delivered with an interval of half an hour for each babies. She started around 1pm and ends around 4pm. Let me repeat this let her do her job she will clean the babies and eat the placenta and whatever that comes out with the kittens and just leave the cords with babies for few days till it drops by itself. 

After she successfully delivered all the kittens, I advice you to leave the mother and kittens alone. At this moment the mother deserves some rest. Look how shag she looks after the labouring.

Please put the food and drinks somewhere near her so she wouldn’t need to walk a long distance just to fill her stomach and get hydrated. 

You know I actually lost one of the kitten because I didn’t know that I shouldn’t touch or carry the baby too much for the first few weeks.  The mother somehow will be over protective and may loose interest to the kitten that you touch. I think he is dead because the mother have lost interest to him and nvr feed him or cleanse him or something like that. Honestly I also not sure what is the cause for the death. Anyways just a reminder, try not to change the bedding for the first two weeks as the mother would prefer the scent and will feel lost and she might kill all the kittens. Hahaha just joking but really do not change the bedding and leave it at least the first week. At this moment the mother cat is very sensitive to everything. 

I hope my sharing might be useful to some you and may give you some ideas what will happen. If you have any comments please feel free to write it to me.  Cheers.